Connecting as a Couple
July 17, 2020
This has been such an impactful week, so empowering.
Last year my husband and I went to a couples training, Keeping the Joy in Relationships. From this training, we discovered the importance of ‘couples meetings’. For us, this consists of a simple short weekly check-in with appreciations, an agenda of any concerns, a solution-focused brainstorming session, and a celebration. Although our relationship is so much better with them, we have not yet mastered the consistency needed for a GREAT relationship. This past week was a tremendous win for ‘couples meetings’ and the Positive Discipline philosophy in our home.
The problem, my husband. He is the most generous man I know and when things are not running smoothly in our home, it is usually because one of us is overwhelmed. This is the case right now in our household. Double projects at work and a few graduate classes can make anyone a little crazy.
Chores that usually are not a concern have become a concern. Normally he does the dishes, empties the trash, and helps with the laundry. Yes, I have chores as well, I just don’t enjoy doing these particular tasks. Knowing that he is overwhelmed, I told him I am happy to help if he will let me know he is too busy to keep up with the household. When I mention the dishes in the sink, I get “I enjoy doing the dishes, it relieves stress and allows me to take a break.” Then the next day, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get to it, I was too busy.”
When I am frustrated, the first thing I do is think, “When is the last time we had a couples meeting?” Sure enough, it has been months. We love ‘couples meetings’ when they happen because it usually means a nice dinner on the balcony, a glass of wine in the garden, or an outing. Well, he was willing and I was prepared with my ‘agenda’.
The competitiveness of the compliments and appreciations is always fun. It is also a great way to set the tone. By the time we had complimented each other numerous times, we were both laughing and truly enjoying each other’s company. Who wouldn’t want problems solved in such a positive environment? Now to discuss the ‘chores’ and the ‘lack of time for each other’ that I was feeling. To my surprise, as I stated the problem the solutions started flowing. I believe I am the one that had most of the brainstormed ideas and my husband kindly agreed that the problem had been solved.
Our simple solutions:
When my husband gets up to make coffee in the morning, he will unload the dishwasher. This makes it easy for everyone to rinse their dishes and put them in the dishwasher, such a simple thing. Turn the dishwasher on before you go to bed, empty it in the morning. Presto, no more dishes in the sink or on the counter.
The trash is a simple reminder of grabbing in when we (or I) take an evening walk. Time together is that same walk, now it is more of a priority.
What simple solutions and the best part is, our ‘couples meeting’ next week. If these solutions don’t work we can brainstorm more solutions. The fun part was being tremendously relaxed when we talked about them, finding solutions together, agreeing on solutions so easily, and loving every minute of our time together.